What is your relationship status? Before you answer, no I’m not talking about your actual relationship status. Married, in a relationship, engaged, it’s complicated, or single as a Pringle. Nope. I’m talking about your relationship status with YOU. By yourself, on your own, me myself and I. You get the point.
Which can you relate to the most?
A. Judgmental, self-hating, critical, or even abusive?
B. Dishonest to yourself, who you are, and what you want so that you can please others?
C. Average, mediocre, you don’t focus on self-care. You think of yourself as happy because you fill the void but deep down you’re not sure you know what happiness is.
D. You show yourself unconditional love. Talk positively to yourself and lead a healthy balanced lifestyle because you know that is what you deserve. You love life and you wake up excited for each new day because you get to spend it with yourself. You are completely comfortable in your own skin.
I can honestly say I have been able to answer this question with A, B, C, or D at different times in my life. But now, for the first time, I can finally fill in bubble D, fully, with my #2 pencil.
Ok students, you can turn in your Scantrons in now!
So, relationship with “SELF”
“What does that even mean?”
Well like I said, mine hasn’t always been great. There were many times where I went through life unaware of my worth acting based on my low self-esteem. I don’t think it is anything in particular that drags a person this low. It can come from a number of traumatic experiences that mostly every human will go through at some point in their lives.
There is no emotional pain that I’ve known, other than the grief of losing loved one that is as painful as not knowing myself. It’s a total loss of control. I struggled through my high school years. I had absolutely no goals. I searched for purpose in unhealthy relationships, popularity, and parties. I found out I was not able to fulfill my happiness with those things but for the time being they filled the void. Mostly because I went through life completely unconsciously.
In college I began to find more meaning to life, I started to gain a little confidence. I immersed myself into my writing and began to add more and more onto my plate. At this time, I thought my worth would increase with the more responsibility I took on. I wanted to show everyone around me that I was capable because I felt so inferior about my intelligence, talent, and abilities.
This definitely piled on the stress for me throughout college. It left me tired, and burnt out. I realized that being extremely busy doesn’t necessarily mean you are productive or needed. It was doable in my college years but definitely not a sustainable lifestyle that I felt I could maintain long term. In addition, I still never felt good enough. I let people treat me like absolute dirt and even worse, I felt like I deserved it. I felt like it was the best I could do.
Going on two years out of college I’ve definitely had my rough patches. I’ve had to do some really deep work to get to a positive place in life. There were times where I fell into old habits, let others treat me badly, and also lashed out or did things that weren’t in my best character. We learn from those things. We learn from what makes us feel uncomfortable and unworthy whether it is an action done by ourselves or someone else.
After a lot of trial and error with mindset and lifestyle I can finally say I feel like I’m right where I am supposed to be. I am happy and at peace. I rarely have anything that throws me off or causes me anxiety in my day to day life. It’s not that I don’t have stressful things happen in my life but instead, I’ve learned how to handle my stress with grace. I’ve realized my worth and I will never let myself or anyone treat me with less respect than I deserve. How I hold my self-worth gives me pride. It is precious to me. I will protect it with everything I have. I know what I’ve gone through to get here.
As of right now, I’m in a relationship with me and only me. That is how I plan to keep it until I find someone that can complement my mindset and lifestyle as much as I can by myself. I’ve accomplished things with my own mind that I never thought I would be able to do. I’ve found new passions and hobbies. I’ve rekindled old ones. I focus on the things that bring me peace.
I’ve fallen in love with MYSELF, flaws and all.
I love myself with full makeup and I love myself with a naked face. I love myself posing sexy for a fitness photo, I love myself belly rolls out, stuffing my face with Halo Top and Boom Chicka Pop on a Friday night. Because guess what? Feeling confident about your physical appearance is awesome but feeling good on the inside feels so much better. I’ve worked to hard to get here and I will continue to do so.
I feel so strong. I feel like a warrior.
YOU ARE TOO. Let’s encourage self-worth to those around us and help each other see the beauty in one another. Difference is beautiful, uniqueness is beautiful.
We are all warriors. So, let’s stand together as an army.
Self-love, a relationship with yourself is a never-ending journey full of growth, obstacles, and connection. Connection with others who lift you up and a deep connection with yourself. Once you start to see yourself with love and admiration you will realize that life is full of endless possibilities no matter how big or small. This love can be infinite. It can be unconditional. That is what we all deserve.
Our bodies, souls, and minds are meant to be cherished.