My spiritual journey started when I decided to venture into the world of meditation. I started with the Calm app, doing 5 to 10-minute guided meditations with Tamara (if you have the Calm app you know who I’m talking about). I could barely sit still. I had just found myself in yet another terrible situation with someone I thought I could trust. I needed something more. There had to be something deeper than the life I was living. Slowly but surely, I started to up the times of my guided meditations.
Soon enough, I began to realize that I needed silence to truly hear my intuition, my guides. So, I stopped doing the guided meditations and started listening to Solfeggio Healing Frequencies while I diligently focused on my breath. My mind would wander. I would immediately try to clear it and it would wander yet again. It was hard not to get frustrated, but I kept going, read books to try and improve my practice, and soon enough I was meditating in silence for 20 minutes reaching a deeper consciousness than I ever knew possible.
In mid-December I had a hiccup with a medication I was taking. This spiraled me into a deep sadness, quite a few impulsive decisions, and finally resulted in a quick move away from a place I had made my home for the past two years. I immediately regretted my decision. I had to fix it but I barely had the energy to get out of bed in the morning, let alone prepare for another move. I realized had to fix myself first. I got rid of my apartment, quit my job, and moved home to my mom.
It was there that I began my healing process, got my medications fixed, and saw a functional medicine doctor to truly get to the root of the problem. Day by day, I started to grow stronger. It started with stepping outside and watching the dogs play. Then I began to run around my mom’s neighborhood and reconnect with my yoga practice on her back porch under the afternoon sun. Each day the weight on my chest felt lighter, each day my breath got just a bit deeper, a bit steadier.
I moved back to Florida and began my 200-hour yoga teacher training. It was there that I stepped out of my shell. I showed my vulnerability to eight other amazing women. I began to connect with my body, I began to connect with my soul. At the beginning of training I would try to get out of any public speaking scenario I could, but guess what? That doesn’t exactly work if you want to be a yoga teacher.
I practiced yoga 25 out of 31 days in May and it opened me up and released some of my deepest fears and insecurities. By the beginning of July, when it was time for my test-out, I was the most comfortable in my skin I had ever been. I was more spiritually connected than I even knew was possible for me and I felt a deep love and compassion for myself and others.
It wasn’t that I changed who I was or altered my personality. I came back to who I was. I returned to love, my highest self, and disconnected from my illusory ego. My pain was gone. God, the divine source, my higher power- whatever you want to call it- had healed me.
I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t know I could ever feel the way that I do. Beautiful days and experiences come and go and so do not so great ones. But I know that I am on the right path. I am able to surrender and trust that the universe is watching over me. I walk away from what doesn’t serve me with love and I open my arms to whatever is next with excitement. I love this life I’m living. I know I am right where I am supposed to be and I owe it all to that November day, many sunrises and sunsets ago, when I sat down on my red velvet chair and made the choice to connect with something bigger than myself.