Can I tell you guys something? I’m so afraid. Does everyone feel this way? I’ve spent so much time searching the “key” to the door of life that I felt I forgot to pick up along the way. Where’s my roadmap?
I have no idea what’s coming next. But that’s not even the part that scares me.
Years ago, I had a plan. College, get the 9 to 5, I would be married by 23 or 24, and have kids by 26. I would have a big beautiful wedding, a house, and things would just be…easy. Wow, was I mistaken. Not that anything is wrong with that at all, to all you mamas, wives, and corporate women out there who are my age, younger, or older, you’re amazing and I know it’s not easy. I honor you all for your strength, for living your truth.
I made this my plan because I thought that was the “correct” plan. But my plan was faulty because I based it off of a list of lifestyles that society said were ‘right’ for me. I found myself at the end of this twisted maze just as lost and confused as when I entered it. I had no idea what I wanted, who I was, or what my values or beliefs were. I was a shell of a human simply complying to everything I had been told. I was disconnected from my soul.
It took a rock bottom, spiritual awakening, loads of research, mistakes, and hard fucking lessons to get to a place where I could say I knew myself. To get to a place where I could speak my truth and identify with my feelings. I spent months in isolation afraid of others, afraid of myself, afraid of the truth.
The truth that everything I had been told, everything I had followed, everything that seemed so “right” to me…..was an illusion.
So, do you want to know what I’m so afraid of? What I’m afraid of is THINKING I know what is next. I don’t. No one does. That’s an ego trick. The fear, the doubts, the I cant’s, the I’m not good enoughs. Only the Universe knows what is next. The universe works from a place of love, authenticity, and vulnerability. The best decision I’ve made was to become unattached to “the plan”. The Universe gives us what we need at the exact time we need it and now that I know that, I don’t need a plan.